Hey, Mr. Belichick. How’s it going?
It’s your 65th birthday Sunday (hope you got a brand-new hoodie!), and wow, what a career it’s been. Seven Super Bowl titles – two as a coordinator and five as a head coach. Three-time NFL Coach of the Year. Countless Dolphins, Jets, and Bills fans who will never be able to enjoy football the same way because your Patriots continuously stomped on their hopes and dreams for 16 years.
It’s been quite a ride.
And, yes, you’ve hinted that you’re far from done in the NFL, and Patriots owner Robert Kraft said he hopes you coach into your 80s. About that: As the self-appointed spokesperson for the fans of the other 31 teams, I can say we’re all, well … please don’t, Mr. Belichick.
Isn’t 65 and coming off the best Super Bowl win of your career – maybe the best Super Bowl win ever – a fitting time to call it a day? We all know you’re the best, and Gisele Bundchen’s husband is pretty decent too, so why not walk away and let some mediocre head coaches have a shot at glory. What’s Chuck Pagano or Todd Bowles or Doug Marrone ever going to achieve with you standing in their way? It’s pretty selfish if you think about it, Mr. Belichick.
We all know you could win at least one Lombardi Trophy with Jimmy Garoppolo. There’s no need to actually go through with it. One dynastic run with an impossibly good-looking quarterback is more than we can stomach – don’t make it two.
Anyway, Mr. Belichick – Bill. Can we call you Bill? Please, walk away and let Josh McDaniels take over New England. Based on his hilariously awful time in Denver, there’s a good chance he’ll help cement your legacy.
And, while you might never admit it, there must be a small part of you that kind of wants to see Gisele Bundchen’s husband fail by himself. Let him show the NFL world who’s the real King of Foxboro.
You’re the greatest of all time, Bill. You have nothing left to prove. You’ve held the NFL hostage since 2001, and honestly, we can’t take much more.
So turn that famous frown upside down, take off the headset one last time, and walk into the sunset. Take as many days off as you want, Bill. You’ve earned it. We respect you, but we sure as hell wouldn’t miss you.
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